You guys, he’s not just a pretty face!
Oh, and if you don’t know who OM is, I suggest giving this blogosphere phenomena a visit.
Cheerios!
Monthly Archives: February 2015
On Perseverance
As long as you don’t give up, you haven’t lost.
I know, what a cliché #amiright? But hear me out for just a sec.
Perseverance is important as duck (see how I cleverly replaced the F for a D? If you haven’t, well,now you have.)
Anyway, I was thinking about Graham Moore’s Oscars’ speech, you, know, the “Stay weird, stay different” one. Which brought me back to Tim Allen’s one liner in Galaxy Quest (a great Star Trek parody by the way) where he says “Never give up, never surrender.”
You know, a lot of people say those words, but they don’t really mean it, and I guess what I want to tell you tonight is to mean it. And eventually, whatever your goals are, they will happen. They might not develop just like you had envisioned them, but they will happen.
By now you’re all like, “Duck you, Madam W. That’s BS. You’ve got no idea what I’m going through.”
Weeeeell, I kind of do. Trust me.
We all think we’re so unique, right? And we are, but at the same time, we kind of aren’t.
See, every person on this Earth goes through shit in their lives (at some point or another), and here’s the trick: The levels of shit are infinite, and the majority of shit isn’t easy to relate to, or maybe it is, but that doesn’t matter. It’s still classified as shit because it’s shit to the person experiencing the shit. Makes sense?
Which basically means, “Respect other people’s battles” or as I like to call it, “Respect other people’s shit.”
It’s very simple: We all have obstacles to surpass, each and every one of us. And we all have dreams and goals we want to accomplish.
We all want to change something in our lives, which is the reason why we’re not born with what we wanted or needed. We have to learn and evolve in order to reach that magical state we want to be in. Sometimes, those around us have to learn and evolve too. And we might not reach our goals today, or tomorrow, or even in our lifetime (gender and race equality anyone?). But eventually, we will.
As long as we stay true to ourselves and never give up.
Besides, it’s a really nice journey. Tough as hell, but totally worth it. I guess those of us who manage to reach old age come to realize that we set our goals to set our journey.
It’s all part of the “We’re fighting for something” cycle, and as in any cycle, once we reach our goals (if we are lucky enough), we start looking for a new purpose. Why? And this is where your mind gets blown:
In the end, we’re seeking journeys.
So never give up, never surrender. Stay true to yourself, and stay weird and stay different. Respect other people’s battles and make sure to enjoy the ride.
And always, always, always, have something to fight for.
Stay weird, stay different.
Stay weird, stay different.
It’s been a while since my last update, but when I saw this video I thought immediately: I love this and I need to share it with my dreamers! Graham Moore won Best Adapted Screenplay for The Imitation Game, at the 2015 Oscars. And he is definitively winning a special place in our hearts.
So, here it is: for all the weird dreamers out there. All of us.
If You Could Be Any Fictional Character, Who Would You Be?
It’s pretty simple: leave your answers on the comments below, explaining your choice. By the way, you can choose more than one character.
To make it fun, you can choose a character who isn’t much like you, and one who is closer to your actual personality. But you don’t have to. In the end, just follow your gut.
Rules:
A) You can’t choose Batman. It’s too obvious because everyone wants to be Batman.
B) You can’t answer, “My awesome self” because one) you’d ruin the game, and two) that’s super corny.
So, I’ll start.
If you’ve been reading my blog, you probably know this already, but I’d definitely aspire to be like:
Captain Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation.
Why?
1)Picard is an erudite, and a kick-ass captain, who respects his subordinates and knows how to drive them to their best potential.
2) Patrick Stewart.
3) Patrick, frocking Stewart, folks.
As for my second choice, that would be:
Rocket Racoon from Guardians of the Galaxy.
Why?
1) I’m hairy and crazy as fuck.
2) That’s pretty much it.
What about you, my beloved minions? Which character would you choose?
WTF Screen Actors Guild Awards?
What the frocking F, SAG?
William H. Macy gets the award for Outstanding Male Performance in a Comedy Series? You know what a mocking bird, a Klingon, and Carrot Top have in common?
They’re all funnier than William H. Macy.
And how come Amy Potholer (auto-correct insisted on changing Poehler to Potholer, and I decided to let it, because c’mon, wouldn’t you?), didn’t get the Outstanding Performance by a Female in a Comedy Series? Are you on crack, SAG?
Seriously:
Are
You
On
Crack?
And in which planet is “Orange the New Black” funnier than “Brooklyn Nine-Nine? I’ll tell you: Pluto, that’s where. (Because it isn’t even a planet.)
And let’s not talk about Birdman. Let’s just not…
Okay, let’s: I hated it (totally respect you if you loved it, but I H.A.T.E.D. it.) It’s highly pretentious and deliberately artsy. It’s one of those movies for actors, made by actors, which is super boring (for me) because I ain’t one.
But let’s be fair: It wasn’t all that bad, SAG.
You nailed it with Eddie Redmayne, because he was just extraordinary as Stephen Hawking in “The Theory of Everything.” Seriously, I’m gonna go all Britney Spears if Eddie doesn’t get the Oscar for best male performance.
And you nailed it with Julianne Moore too, SAG. If Julianne Moore ever said, “Let’s do this, Madam_W.” I’d be all like, “Yesssssss. By the way, can Eddie Redmayne join us?”
You also nailed it with Viola Davis, and Kevin Spacey, SAG. And I guess that Patricia Arquette deserves some love, considering she played the same part for twelve years.
I guess that in the end, we’re even. Until next year.
PS: “The Grand Budapest Hotel” better get the best motion picture Oscar, because so far it has been utterly ignored this award season, and I can’t even.
Everyone Poops
****This is a true story. I kindda wish it wasn’t, but it is.****
So me, my grandma, and my aunt were going to a family event. We had just reached ground floor with the lift, when my aunt had to go talk to someone, leaving me alone with Granny.
After a little while, I turn to Granny and whisper, “Nanna, I think I have to go back to the flat. I need to go to the toilet.”
She looks at me with one eyebrow raised. “Number one or number two?”
I giggle, cause dude, my grandma is asking me inappropriate stuff (which she does all the time, but it never ceases to be funny.)
“Number two,” I whisper.
At this point my aunt returns, and Granny announces, “We gotta go back. The kid wants to poop.”
But that’s cool, ’cause my aunt is used to Granny’s brutal honesty. So we’re all laughing and saying “Yeah, let’s go, better out than in.”
We get into the elevator with a random guy, and my aunt says, “I only hope we don’t get to the restaurant too late.”
And Granny replies loudly ’cause she can’t hear right, “Hey, when the kid needs to poop, the kid needs to poop.”
At which point I’m laughing my heart out, and the random stranger is trying to hold it, but failing miserably.
Then my aunt chides, “Mom! What will this poor gentleman think?”
Granny shrugs and turns to the guy as if only now realizing he was there. She pats him in the back and says, “Don’t worry, he doesn’t mind. After all, he poops too. Everyone poops, right?“
I think the guy is still laughing to this day.
Disclaimer: When I’m 93 years old, I want to be like my grandma.
Marvelous Measles?
This subject has been exploding all over the internet lately. In case you didn’t know, this is a children’s book. I’m not joking.
Give me a moment here, please.
….
….
Okay, I’m good.
It’s pretty easy to know what this book is about, but here you go anyway: Little Melanie allows her natural defenses to fight measles.
Look, this would be totally okay if we all lived on Mars and Billy Crystal were still funny.
But that’s not the case, is it?
The Amazon reviews are hilarious, though.
Here’s my favorite:
“Kill your kids the responsible way! By brittany
Finally! A children’s book with an agenda I can get behind! I always thought I loved kids until I actually had one of my own and boy was I wrong! I researched anything and everything I could possibly do to get rid of the little brat, but I didn’t want to be arrested for murder and childhood cancer is just too darn unpredictable. Fortunately, I stumbled upon “Melanie’s Marvelous Measles”, and learned that there is a huge community of people who hate children as much as me! Thanks to Melanie, I was able to ignore my pediatrician’s recommendations to vaccinate my daughter before our trip to Disney World, all while acting like I want what is “best” for my child.”
Touché, Brittany. Touché.
50 Shades of Valentine’s Day
Everyone is talking about 50 Shades of Grey. It opens this Valentine’s day, which is today in case you didn’t know. I didn’t, by the way, until my husband reminded me this morning.
He was all like, “How can you forget this shit? You’re a woman.”
To which I replied, “Dude, we spent our five year anniversary watching a Walking Dead marathon.”
And he was all like, “Good point, wife. Good point.”
Anyway, today is 50 Shades day!
I read all three books, I’ll admit. What can I say, I enjoyed the story (Haa just joking, we both know there was none).
But seriously, I didn’t mind the bad writing, lack of plot, and one-dimensional characters at all. Which is disturbing, to say the least.
Update: As I write this, husband goes to the toilet and says “Woa, I think I have diarrhea, babe.” He has now been in the toilet for twenty minutes.Happy Valentines day to you too, hun.
Anyway, before I go, I’d just like to say f*** you, Charlie Hunnam. F*** the fuckidy you.
Why did you turn down the part of Christian Grey? You’re like a young Brad Pitt. Just look at you!
Instead, we’ll have to content with saltless, boring Jamie Dornan.
You suck monkey balls, Jamie Dornan!
Hmmm…maybe not. But only because you look like Andrew Garfield in this pic.
Happy Valentine’s day, ya’ll!
The Toilet Doppelganger
There’s only one potty in the ladies’ toilet in my office. And it’s on the second floor. (Don’t lie to yourself, you love the word potty too. Totes.)
So, every time I need to pee, I have to go up the stairs. And every time there’s someone there.
This lady. I know it’s her. It’s always her.
She’s my toilet doppelganger.
Our bladders are perfectly synchronized.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m her or if she’s me.
We are one.
PRINCESS KICK-ASS 