The Art of Fart

I face farting as a lost art rather than a normal biological function. I’m constantly trying to improve myself in this field, and my husband is my biggest supporter.

Sometimes I lean over and stare deep within his eyes, and he obviously thinks I’m about to kiss him, but he’s so wrong, because yeah, I’m farting. It’s super romantic. Usually he farts back with triple the power and we laugh and laugh. It never gets old. This is how I know I married the right guy.

(Though one time his fart was so powerful that I tasted it, and it was disgusting as fuck, like a mix of rotten eggs and whatever comes out of Kim Kardashian’s plastic surgeries.)

I threw up a little back then, but at the same time, I was really proud of him.

During my fart trainings, I often focus on swiftness, though I’ll also work on the smell over noise ratio. It really depends on the social situation and how badly concentrated the gas is.

I can also echo-fart, which is a fart so ninja that people will hear it from the opposite side of the room and blame it on the fat guy standing there, when the truth is, the fart came from where they’d least expect.

I did that to my husband once, and his mother was all like, “Ferdinand, I did not raise you so badly!” It was awesome.

(PS: His name is not Ferdinand. I changed it for anonymity reasons, Keith Lemon style.)

Anyway, husband has been trying to get me back for that to this day. Whether he succeeds remains to be seen.

Have you ever tried echo-farting?

Advertisements

3 Days 3 Quotes Challenge

So, the wonderful Akhiz nominated me for this one, and I thought, “Yaaaasssssss!”

The rules of the quote challenge are:

Thank the person who nominated you.
Post a quote each day for 3 days.
Each day nominate 3 bloggers to take part.

All right. Since the life of a kick-ass princess is super hard (with all the kickassery pertained to the job role), I’ll share with you all three sentences right now instead of doing it in three consecutive days.

So here we go:

quote2

quote21

quote3

And the nominees are:

Cheerios peeps!

The Best Picard Memes Out There

C.S. Wilde, you pompous bastard.
You get extra points for this.

C.S. Wilde

If you know me (okay, let’s put it differently: if you know Princess Kickass), you know we’re HUGE Star Trek: TNG fans.

So here are the best Picard memes out there, just for you.

Say it. To.My.Face.

Yasssssss!

I can’t even…

Bitch, please. Seriously. Those shoes are ugly as F.

Asshole.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaa….anyone?

Yes. Yes to this.

Tell me about it, JLP…

And to end it:

View original post