The Art of Fart

I face farting as a lost art rather than a normal biological function. I’m constantly trying to improve myself in this field, and my husband is my biggest supporter.

Sometimes I lean over and stare deep within his eyes, and he obviously thinks I’m about to kiss him, but he’s so wrong, because yeah, I’m farting. It’s super romantic. Usually he farts back with triple the power and we laugh and laugh. It never gets old. This is how I know I married the right guy.

(Though one time his fart was so powerful that I tasted it, and it was disgusting as fuck, like a mix of rotten eggs and whatever comes out of Kim Kardashian’s plastic surgeries.)

I threw up a little back then, but at the same time, I was really proud of him.

During my fart trainings, I often focus on swiftness, though I’ll also work on the smell over noise ratio. It really depends on the social situation and how badly concentrated the gas is.

I can also echo-fart, which is a fart so ninja that people will hear it from the opposite side of the room and blame it on the fat guy standing there, when the truth is, the fart came from where they’d least expect.

I did that to my husband once, and his mother was all like, “Ferdinand, I did not raise you so badly!” It was awesome.

(PS: His name is not Ferdinand. I changed it for anonymity reasons, Keith Lemon style.)

Anyway, husband has been trying to get me back for that to this day. Whether he succeeds remains to be seen.

Have you ever tried echo-farting?

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52 thoughts on “The Art of Fart

  1. Haha, yes! I’m guilty of holding my farts in public, but it’s so great that you’re comfortable unleashing your farts with someone who you know so well! Never even heard of echo-farting, but I just might try it someday! 😉

  2. Gosh no. Whenever I fart I just deny it was is not difficult as my husband, daughter and son have been honored with the name, The Fart Trio. Chances are one of them farted anyway and will take the brunt.

  3. I actually did this to my own husband once and the smell was so rancid, it cleared a restaurant! Okay, so it was a small TCBY, but the glares the other patrons gave my loving and portly husband as we all shuffled out of the door because they’d assumed he’d done it were PRICELESS. And he took it all in stride, the prince that he is.

  4. I think it depends on culture. Farting is deemed to be quite rude in Asian contexts haha. If you have to fart, you need to excuse yourself. It’s interesting to read that your family is able to embrace this haha.

  5. If ever we had an excuse to unfollow Princess Kickass, it’d be now. Absolutely disgusting how you were so mean to your husband, whom no doubt was raised with a better sense of morality and takes responsibility for his own nastiness.

  6. Learnt something new today 😉
    One of my friend did something like proxy-burrp…. She was about to burrp and she felt it is very unlady like so she asked another friend to make sure the facial expressions were right so that people would thing that he burrped. I guess this can be applied to farting also !

  7. Echo farting… This is new! I never even knew it is possible to control 😛 Thankfully I have been very lucky with my timing. So not yet encountered 😛

  8. Omg, this, THIS. Fart training. …I do not want to imagine what comes out of Kim Kardashian’s plastic surgeries… but this is… it really interrupted my reading flow. Some one-of-a-kind Kick-Ass action going on here. lol

  9. Às vezes eu ão acredito que estou lendo o que estou lendo! hahahahahahaha! Morri de rir com isso! Pior é saber que as chances de ser um relato verdadeiro, são grandes! 😀

  10. Pingback: Here Be Dragons–In Which I Pass the Torch | dearlilyjune

  11. Hahahah! Echo-farting sounds divine. 😀 I have this stupid habit of looking up at the sky/ceiling after unleasing one of the bombs. Writing ‘IT’S ME IT’S ME’ across my face would be more subtle.

  12. Reblogged this on Anxious Accessories and commented:
    As a fellow Echo-farter, I salute you! My other half and I play games of “Cut the Fart” in local shops for fun…

    Although that time he farted 3 times in a row, followed by grabbing it and releasing it lovingly into my face at 3am was a little overkill…. I’m still to get him back for that!

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