Hairy Latinas (And Some Argentinians)

Do not google for “hairy latinas”. Seriously, in the name of everything you hold dear, do not google it. I’ve tried, and I’ll never forget what I saw, so this is me warning you: do not do it.

We cool?

Cool.

It’s a well known fact that Latinas such as myself are hairy EVERYWHERE: arms, legs, backs, eyebrows; you name it, we got hair for you.

*A tiny girl raises her hand at the back of the audience and says, “I’m actually Argentinian and I barely have hairs. Like, I only shave every three months.”*

First of all: shut your mouth, you hairless freak of nature, and second of all: suck my bratwurst, Argentina.

Hey, it’s not profanity if I don’t have a bratwurst, right? So, yeah, Argentina sucks my imaginary bratwurst.

No wait, it’s cool, it’s okay, I can say it because I’m from Brazil. Americans have the same relationship with Canada, only Canadians are super nice and Argentinians are the fruit of the devil.

See, even the Argentinian girl is all like, “It’s okay. We’re cool everyone, she’s Brazilian.”

Unfortunately, not all of us are as gifted as some Argentinians (when it comes to hairs, that is. When it comes to football, Pelé was obviously way better than Maradona. Take that, Argentina!). This means I have to wax constantly, like every month, seriously.

Okay, fine, it’s more like every three weeks at most. If I waited four weeks in between waxing, my pubic region would replace the Amazon rain-forest in the list of world heritage sites. (Too much information, anyone?)

I just wanted to say how much I hate being hairy, and waxing, and Argentinians. Okay, just kidding, Argentinians are cool. Hair in the wrong places, on the other hand, is not.

How about you? Care to share some experiences? 

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43 thoughts on “Hairy Latinas (And Some Argentinians)

  1. I knew you warned me not to but the more you said not to google hairy latinas the more I had to! You were right to warn us not to. Plus I just did that on my work pc so now I’ll probably get fired!

  2. Thanks for the warning about the Google search. Sometimes, when you tell someone not to do something, they are more likely to do it. Reverse psychology thing. But this time, there’s no concern of psychology being reversed. Really.

    What do I know of Brazilians and Argentinians?

    Brazilians are party animals. I used to have a Brazilian neighbor. A nice elderly lady who loved her neighbors. She would chat up a storm, and you actually wanted to listen to all of it. She listened to you too, and got genuinely excited. Then she found out she won that house lottery you guys have over there, and there was a party thrown.

    Argentinians seem much more serious, with their tango, and their really good steaks, and … I watched a depressing documentary about abandoned factories… I think it was in Argentina. And the people started working in those factories for free, to bring them back to life. So while I’m sure Brazilians were partying, they were working in factories. Argentina seems less fun, is what I’m saying.

    But at least they’re not hairy?

  3. Not only Latinas, darling! Arabs too… go more than 4 weeks without a wax and I may as well slide down a banister that’s actually a razor blade… this is THE definition of physical pain! However, despite that and the irritable ingrowing hair syndrome that follows every wax of nether-regions and shave of legs and pits, I’m fortunate to say that the only other hair about which i should be concerned is on my upper lip… but I’m too damn lazy to do jack about that though! And it’s not so bad anyway – until my sisters and girlfriends point it out, ha! And don’t forget (and here i break a big “do not speak of it” taboo topic) the odd hair one finds on one’s chest?! Freaky, but still a fact! Is that TMI?! Lol I’m a straightforward gal, what the hell!

  4. We make fun of Canadians in the states it’s not a love-hate relationship. They are boring and miserable and consider snow shoveling a hobby. Just kidding canucks, as for being hairy damn the luck, hopefully I can find me a good Argentinian gal for my next wife. Note to self no Brazilians! LOL, just kidding hope you are having a good day.

  5. This made me laught hard. In my case I would use some hair in my eyebrows. I actually like the full hairy eyebrow look maybe because I lack hair in that department. But Latinas are not the only ones I know that are hairy.

  6. I’m afraid I don’t have any hairy experience of my own to share. Oh wait, my aunt is hairy. It’s incredible disgusting and that’s probably why she never wears shorts even if it’s 100 degrees. It’s always long pants. I’ve been told she’s so hairy because she eats too much beef. Wonder if that’s true.

  7. I totally understand! I’m tired of shaving, waxing etc. Last year I got laser hair removal for underarms and it has been one of the greatest things I’ve ever done. I wish I could afford it for at least my legs!

  8. You are hilarious! Had my eyebrows threaded for the first time recently. Almost slid out the chair. Wanted a sticker or lollipop like after the kid’s doctor visit!!!

  9. I’m so tempted… it’s like putting a big red button in front of me and then telling me not to press it.

    …Well, this was an interesting read. I’m just going to try and wipe my mind a bit. Have an awesome day!

  10. Hello Princess… Guess who is argentinian?….. YEP ME 😛 LOL …

    I barely have hair … TRUE … I shave completely, meaning “everywhere”, I bet you also do… That’s something not even europeans do… Forget the Latinas hairy thing then… Your post cracked me up … and of course I had to tweet it…
    Best to you… Aquileana 😀

  11. Love this post! True, the struggle for hairy women is too real, whether Argentinian or Indian or any other ethnicity. Generally speaking, I find it strange that it’s acceptable for men to be hairy, while for women it’s look at as repulsive. Your post has inspired me to write about this topic on my blog, so look out for it in the future!

    Hairy girls, unite!

  12. Pingback: Hair, Hair Everywhere! – The Finicky Cynic

  13. The best part of when I completely disregarded your warning and googled “Hairy Latinas” was that it brought up an image of a woman with her armpit hair dyed bright blue, like she’d put a Smurf into a headlock. So thanks for making my day go in *that* direction!

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