One-Liner Wednesday: Douglas

“Douglas, get that squirrel out of your mouth right now!”

This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s fabulous One-Liner Wednesday writing prompt. I’m a bit late, but here we go. Click the link to read more one-liners!

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Literally, You Guys

Kimmy said, “When I kissed Chad, I literally saw stars!”

And Sissi was all like, “Wait. You kissed him while looking up to the sky? How did you bend your head that way?”

And all the girls gawked at Sissi, ’cause she was such a party popper, that nerd.

So Kimmy rolled her eyes and said, “OMG, can you be more weird, Sissi?”

The girls nodded and said, “Totes.”

Sissi couldn’t quite understand what was going on. “It’s not about being weird, you guys! It’s literally about the overuse of the word ‘literally’.”

Kimmy swooshed her long blond tresses as it they were a whip, and said in the most blasé of ways, “I literally can’t even, Sissi. Let’s go, girls.”

And that’s how Sissi got banned from the cheerleading squad.

She later married the guy who invented Google. Figuratively speaking. Because he must be like a thousand-year-old, you guys.

I’m Hooked on a Feeling

Hey guys, you’ll find great blogging advice on this post! Totally worth the read! Plus, we get a Picard GIF. It doesn’t get better than that.

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1blog15I can’t fight this feeling, deep inside of me, I’m hooked on a feeling…blogging, you don’t know what you do to me.

I’m not entirely sure how many posts about blogging advice I’ve read in the past couple of years. Some posts were extremely helpful, others decidedly unhelpful, many didn’t pertain to me, and others gibberish. So here’s my best blogging advice that will most certainly change the way you blog forever!

1. Have a blog.

2.Write posts that are 300 words to whatever-your-readers-think-isn’t-too-long. Think of each post as a summer hat, you want it to cover your face and neck, but you don’t want to be the one with thatRoyal Wedding hat.1blog21
3. Add pictures and images to your posts. There are many ways to do this – take photos, make memes, scan, find, paint, draw…and please credit them, if possible.

4.Publish the post –…

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A Thank You

The Blogging Coachella was a great success, everyone! Thank you so much for participating!

You know what the best part was? You were 100% responsible for the Coachella’s success. Your reblogs and comments spread the word, and then more people discovered the Coachella, and more people engaged with the participating blogs, which in turn, brought more engagement to your own blog.

It’s all about team-work, so pat yourself in the back, because you’re awesome. Besides, I bet you found some kick-ass blogs during the festivities!

You can still leave a comment with the whole shebang there (click here) but do remember to visit the participating blogs as well.

Until the next Coachella!

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Blogging Coachella: Join the Party!

 

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This is your chance to connect with other bloggers and improve your stats!

Plus you get to bring a celebrity! Why?

Because this is the BLOGGING COACHELLA, people!

All you need to do is drop a comment below with the following:

A) Tell us what your blog is all about.

B) Include a link to your blog.

C) Tell us who you’re bringing to the party.

(I’m bringing Tom Hiddleston. Yes, he’s tied up and scared for his life, but he’s here and that’s what matters, okay? Cool.)

Don’t forget to engage with the participating blogs, and make sure to spread the word <3!

Thanks For My Vagina, Mom!

Growing up as a nerdy tomboy meant things weren’t always easy for me, but if not for my mom, they’d have been a lot worse.

Mom and I always had this Gilmore Girl’s thing going on, and we talked about stuff like:

  • Penises
  • Sex
  • Hot Guys
  • Philosophy
  • Leonardo diCaprio (Who is not a hot guy, in fact. He’s Leonardo diCaprio and that’s his category, people.)
  • The meaning of life
  • Writing (because she’s a journalist and I’m a writer, so thank you genes)

We never had secrets. We couldn’t, because our apartment was super tiny. I won’t say that it was literally the size of a shoebox, because that’s a lie. No house is literally the size of a shoebox. Unless you’re a cat. But I digress.

Mom never spoiled me. She always told me when she thought I was right and when I wasn’t. And you know how moms are: they can see the future and they’re all-knowing, which meant she was right all the freaking time. It was very annoying. Still is.

Mom and I are so close, that after I met the man who would later become my husband, she asked, “Did you guys have sex?”

“Mom! No way, we just met!”

She was cutting carrots then, which was pretty ironic if you ask me. “You’ve been going out for a week now, and he’s leaving soon to God-knows-where.” She finished chopping the carrots and dropped them into a bowl. “If you feel ready, then you should have sex with him.”

“I want to,” I said, feeling my stomach churn. “But I’m scared. I’ve never had sex with a guy I met after a few days.” (Shut up, I was kind of a prude, all right?)

Mom rolled her eyes and said in the sweetest way possible. “Just enjoy life, and give him that glorious vagina I made, dear.”

WTF, mom!

But she was right, as always.

I did give him my glorious vagina, and it was magical and mind-blowing. I’m not sure if we’d be together to this day, if it weren’t for my mom’s advice.

So, Mom, this post is for you. Thanks for everything.

And my glorious vagina.