The Ark of Likes

I’m gonna go ahead and help a fellow blogger I happen to know really well.

C.S. Wilde

I’ve created a Facebook page (say whaaa?)

Yes. Yes I did.

And here’s the deal: I’m making an ark of likes. That’s right. The ark will be full at 100 followers, and I need your help to get there!

You can click on my LIKE button in the sidebar –>

OR, you can click here to go to my page facebook_button_small

That’s  all.

Maybe once I reach 100 followers, a bunch of Nazis will show up and try to take my ark away so they can win the war, and then when they open my ark their faces will melt, making my whole journey kind of pointless.

But that remains to be seen.

dunduruduun, dundundun, dunduruduuuun, dudurundundun…

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The Art of Fart

I face farting as a lost art rather than a normal biological function. I’m constantly trying to improve myself in this field, and my husband is my biggest supporter.

Sometimes I lean over and stare deep within his eyes, and he obviously thinks I’m about to kiss him, but he’s so wrong, because yeah, I’m farting. It’s super romantic. Usually he farts back with triple the power and we laugh and laugh. It never gets old. This is how I know I married the right guy.

(Though one time his fart was so powerful that I tasted it, and it was disgusting as fuck, like a mix of rotten eggs and whatever comes out of Kim Kardashian’s plastic surgeries.)

I threw up a little back then, but at the same time, I was really proud of him.

During my fart trainings, I often focus on swiftness, though I’ll also work on the smell over noise ratio. It really depends on the social situation and how badly concentrated the gas is.

I can also echo-fart, which is a fart so ninja that people will hear it from the opposite side of the room and blame it on the fat guy standing there, when the truth is, the fart came from where they’d least expect.

I did that to my husband once, and his mother was all like, “Ferdinand, I did not raise you so badly!” It was awesome.

(PS: His name is not Ferdinand. I changed it for anonymity reasons, Keith Lemon style.)

Anyway, husband has been trying to get me back for that to this day. Whether he succeeds remains to be seen.

Have you ever tried echo-farting?

The Best Picard Memes Out There

C.S. Wilde, you pompous bastard.
You get extra points for this.

C.S. Wilde

If you know me (okay, let’s put it differently: if you know Princess Kickass), you know we’re HUGE Star Trek: TNG fans.

So here are the best Picard memes out there, just for you.

Say it. To.My.Face.

Yasssssss!

I can’t even…

Bitch, please. Seriously. Those shoes are ugly as F.

Asshole.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaa….anyone?

Yes. Yes to this.

Tell me about it, JLP…

And to end it:

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I’m Hooked on a Feeling

Hey guys, you’ll find great blogging advice on this post! Totally worth the read! Plus, we get a Picard GIF. It doesn’t get better than that.

yadadarcyyada

1blog15I can’t fight this feeling, deep inside of me, I’m hooked on a feeling…blogging, you don’t know what you do to me.

I’m not entirely sure how many posts about blogging advice I’ve read in the past couple of years. Some posts were extremely helpful, others decidedly unhelpful, many didn’t pertain to me, and others gibberish. So here’s my best blogging advice that will most certainly change the way you blog forever!

1. Have a blog.

2.Write posts that are 300 words to whatever-your-readers-think-isn’t-too-long. Think of each post as a summer hat, you want it to cover your face and neck, but you don’t want to be the one with thatRoyal Wedding hat.1blog21
3. Add pictures and images to your posts. There are many ways to do this – take photos, make memes, scan, find, paint, draw…and please credit them, if possible.

4.Publish the post –…

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