I face farting as a lost art rather than a normal biological function. I’m constantly trying to improve myself in this field, and my husband is my biggest supporter.
Sometimes I lean over and stare deep within his eyes, and he obviously thinks I’m about to kiss him, but he’s so wrong, because yeah, I’m farting. It’s super romantic. Usually he farts back with triple the power and we laugh and laugh. It never gets old. This is how I know I married the right guy.
(Though one time his fart was so powerful that I tasted it, and it was disgusting as fuck, like a mix of rotten eggs and whatever comes out of Kim Kardashian’s plastic surgeries.)
I threw up a little back then, but at the same time, I was really proud of him.
During my fart trainings, I often focus on swiftness, though I’ll also work on the smell over noise ratio. It really depends on the social situation and how badly concentrated the gas is.
I can also echo-fart, which is a fart so ninja that people will hear it from the opposite side of the room and blame it on the fat guy standing there, when the truth is, the fart came from where they’d least expect.
I did that to my husband once, and his mother was all like, “Ferdinand, I did not raise you so badly!” It was awesome.
(PS: His name is not Ferdinand. I changed it for anonymity reasons, Keith Lemon style.)
Anyway, husband has been trying to get me back for that to this day. Whether he succeeds remains to be seen.
Have you ever tried echo-farting?
Haha, yes! I’m guilty of holding my farts in public, but it’s so great that you’re comfortable unleashing your farts with someone who you know so well! Never even heard of echo-farting, but I just might try it someday! 😉
It’s totally worth it. For those times you can’t hold back anymore. Just make sure you find a proper patsy!
At last, the explanation behind global warming. Hold it in, you’re killing the planet!
Echo-farting… using an arse canyon as opposed to as arse cannon?
It works better if you join both concepts
This is great… we need tee-shirts that read FART U! lol
omg yes!
Gosh no. Whenever I fart I just deny it was is not difficult as my husband, daughter and son have been honored with the name, The Fart Trio. Chances are one of them farted anyway and will take the brunt.
oooh you’re good!
I do what I can.
No, I haven’t tried echo farting, but I am in training right now for fart ventriloquism. Think of the fun you can have with that!
Same concept lol
Echo farting sounds like quite the skill set. You should teach an online class or something for everybody!
I shall take students as of….now!
I actually did this to my own husband once and the smell was so rancid, it cleared a restaurant! Okay, so it was a small TCBY, but the glares the other patrons gave my loving and portly husband as we all shuffled out of the door because they’d assumed he’d done it were PRICELESS. And he took it all in stride, the prince that he is.
Here’s to great hubbies!
Lol… what?? I hope it isn’t in the night
Oh it’s definitely in the night too
You know the way covers dont let go of the smell.. what happens??
Honestly, there has been so much farting going on down there, that our sense of smell pretty much raised its hands and said “Oh Hail no!” before storming out of the room.
No way… hahaha.. perfect couple.. ❤
Princess you and I should get together. I am loosing my sense of smell so you could fart and blame it on me all you want since I would never know the difference. Julie
My farts are loud and deadly.
Lol the best kind
LOL I clear the room with my stinkers. 😛
I think it depends on culture. Farting is deemed to be quite rude in Asian contexts haha. If you have to fart, you need to excuse yourself. It’s interesting to read that your family is able to embrace this haha.
Oh yes, we would be screwed in Asia.
If ever we had an excuse to unfollow Princess Kickass, it’d be now. Absolutely disgusting how you were so mean to your husband, whom no doubt was raised with a better sense of morality and takes responsibility for his own nastiness.
Naaaaahhh, you like me too much to leave me all alone in this world. Plus, if you unfollow me, Ill take Luna!
Learnt something new today 😉
One of my friend did something like proxy-burrp…. She was about to burrp and she felt it is very unlady like so she asked another friend to make sure the facial expressions were right so that people would thing that he burrped. I guess this can be applied to farting also !
Genious!!!
Echo farting… This is new! I never even knew it is possible to control 😛 Thankfully I have been very lucky with my timing. So not yet encountered 😛
Omg, this, THIS. Fart training. …I do not want to imagine what comes out of Kim Kardashian’s plastic surgeries… but this is… it really interrupted my reading flow. Some one-of-a-kind Kick-Ass action going on here. lol
❤
I almost threw up when you went into the explanation of smell…lol…I should have saved this for afternoon reading! Haha…
I blame the dog 🙂
Oh good one!
Echo-farting :O Teach me this technique Sensei!! Please!
I have a really bad habit of holding in my farts (even when I’m alone in my room) 😥
I do that too when I’m at work. Sucks!
Às vezes eu ão acredito que estou lendo o que estou lendo! hahahahahahaha! Morri de rir com isso! Pior é saber que as chances de ser um relato verdadeiro, são grandes! 😀
E o pior eh que eh -_-“”””
Eu sabia! Huahuahuahuahua
Hahaha, Well I’ve never tried it…YET. But I after reading this, I think I should…with the mere reason to piss people off ! ~evil laugh~ 😀
You should change your name to princess fart!! Funny shit girl. You kick ass.
ahwww ❤
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Hahahah! Echo-farting sounds divine. 😀 I have this stupid habit of looking up at the sky/ceiling after unleasing one of the bombs. Writing ‘IT’S ME IT’S ME’ across my face would be more subtle.
lol, that would be super funny to watch!
Reblogged this on Anxious Accessories and commented:
As a fellow Echo-farter, I salute you! My other half and I play games of “Cut the Fart” in local shops for fun…
Although that time he farted 3 times in a row, followed by grabbing it and releasing it lovingly into my face at 3am was a little overkill…. I’m still to get him back for that!
Awesome!
Did you just fart ? Cuz I’m blown away😂😂
I had so much fun reading this!
You truly are just amazing! 😎✌
Ahwww much obliged ma’am ^_^