You guys, seriously, this movie is the best movie ever.
Like, there’s this guy (Richard Harris) who accidentally kills a baby orca, and then Mamma orca is super pissed, because come on, wouldn’t you be pissed if someone killed your baby?
Mamma orca had my vote from the start (sorry, Richard Harris.)
And then I kinda started narrating the movie to my BFF. It went on like this:
“The whale just destroyed half of random harbor town, literally, half of the town blew up, all thanks to the whale. Best movie ever. This whale is awesome.”
“The acting is super serious by the way. The movie really takes itself in earnest. I mean, an orca blew up half a town and everyone is like “Oh, you messed up with the mighty orca,” like yeah, it’s super normal for a whale to blow things up and chase you every time you’re near the water. Like, the whale knows you now, and you’re fucked. Whale is gonna blow you up.
I have a new found respect for all actors in this movie.”
“Okay, the orca was destroying the entire town (kindda stupid to have a town balanced over some wooden pillars underwater, specially since the townspeople were not surprised by the orca’s badassery, which tells me this might have happened before.) Anyway, people told Richard Harris he had to get his shit together and go face the whale, but he didn’t, so the Orca sunk his freaking house and bit a woman’s leg off.”
…
“Okay, so Richard Harris was pissed because his friend lost her leg and decided to go hunt the whale (FINALLY). He left with this cute woman (who was not the same woman who lost her leg), his BFF, and an Indian guy. Not like Indian-Indian, but like Native American-Indian.”
“The whale just jumped over the boat and took the BFF with her. Now the whale is leading them to the arctic and there are icebergs and shit. This whale is so smart, it has to be a mutant or something. Actually, Native-American-guy said the whale was GOD INCARNATED. In these exact words. Native-American-guy is such a drama queen.”
“OMG, this woman is so cheap. She literally just said, “Come closer, I’ll warm you.” Like, Richard Harris was sad because his BFF died, and now he is gonna have sex to feel better.“
“Okay, they didn’t have sex.”
“Did I mention Richard Harris looks at least 60 in this movie? I wish I can be hunting killer whales in the arctic when I’m sixty…no, I don’t, actually. Killer whales are adorable and I could never kill them. Also, whale is gonna blow you up.”
Best Poster Ever.
“Jaws could learn a thing or two from this whale, just saying. I mean, it blew up half a town, destroyed Richard Harris’ house, bit a woman’s leg off, and now it smashed against an iceberg to bury Native-American-guy under huge chunks of ice. Shitty way to die in a killer whale movie, man. I mean, the whale should’ve had at least the decency to explode him.”
“The whale just sank the ship and now Richard Harris and pretty woman are running on icebergs. OMG, the whale just stranded Richard Harris on an iceberg.”
“This whale is a freaking genius.”
“The whale killed Richard Harris by throwing him against an ice berg wall. It did not eat him, it did not drag him to the depths of the ocean, it did not explode him. No. It threw him against an iceberg and smashed his skull.
This whale is a bad-ass mother-fucker.”
The lesson we can all take from this? Sea World is royally fucked, people. You can mess with sharks and wild bears, but you do NOT MESS WITH AN ORCA.
PS: This whale should get a freaking Oscar with some 38 years delay, but it’s the tought that counts.
I must remember this next time I go orca hunting…. PS. You are nuts, pls never change!
Lol come ooon BFF, the movie was hilarious. Best movie ever. EVER.
I love this movie 😉
Me too!!
OMG this is the best movie review ever of a god awful cheesy movie. I’m ready to go watch it again, no I’m changing my mind.
lol Gary!
I don’t understand you; in my crowd that’s a good thing! You cwazzy! I love cwazzy! Thanks for stopping by my pad. You still cwazzy—and brilliant!
lol much obliged ^_^
A brilliant film! A must see film with fantastic character development and cinematography. Right up there with Humanoids from the Deep! 😀
I recently watched that horrible documentary about the shitty treatment of Orcas in Sea World (on Netflix). The whale that kept killing people is no longer in shows, but they keep him in a teeny, tiny tank and continue to use his sperm to make more whales because Orca spooge is incredibly expensive and nearly no one has a male whale. *sigh* Kinda makes me happy the whale in this movie was so vengeful, though studies show no Orca has ever killed a person in the wild (lots in captivity, though).
Yeah, the situation at Sea World is just absurd. Always has been. Sucks…
I wonder if this orca is still alive? Killer whales are supposed to be smart creatures. I wonder if it will ever truly know this love you’ve expressed for it?
Oh, I hope it does!
We need a sequel: Killer Whale Vs. Megashark!
Omg yes! Whale would win though.
I see your whale scenario and raise one flying shark: https://youtu.be/I16_8l0yS-g
I’ve never even heard of this film, but it sounds so absurd that I might take a chance to watch it someday. Your review was hilarious! 😀
Its a really cool movie!
I hated when the baby died. 😦
Right? Whale had its reasons to blow shit up.
That movie is sad but Bo Derek is ok..
Poor Mummy Whale 😦 Humans cruel and stupid D:
Oh she hets her revenge. And it is sweet!
Amen.
I haven’t seen this film, but didn’t Richard Harris make another one with some nazi dolphins or tuna or something?
If he did, he just became the coolest guy who has ever lived. After Cristopher Lee, that is.
bwhahahaha totally hilarious – I’ve always loved orcas, those big dolphin darlings – always dreaming that I’m being attacked by them! #eek
XD