So Eve tempted Adam to bite the apple and Adam, who was really horny, bit the apple so that Eve would give him a free pass into her highway, and both were banned from the Garden of Eden, and just before they left, God called Eve and said,
“Thou has tempted thy brother Adam.”
And Eve was all, “WTF? He’s my brother?”
And God explained that, “Technically he’s your father. You came from his ribs, remember?”
And Eve yelled, “You chauvinist pig, that’s disgusting! By the way, why didn’t you make me first? Emma Watson will be all over this sexist shit, I promise you!”
God shrugged. “Adam was the trial, and you the masterpiece.”
So Eve blushed and was all like, “Well plaid, God. Well plaid.”
And God was like, “Don’t change the subject.” He pointed his giant godly finger at her and said, “For thou betrayal, thou gender shall be punished by leaking blood and suffering maddening pains every month, until they reach an age when their breasts are saggy and their bodies wrinkled.” God shook his head. “You stupid hoe.”
And thus the menstrual cycle was born.
And Eve was still all like, WTF?
Thanks a lot, Eve.